HELLO! Once again, I have returned after a fairly lond period of time. While I’ve been away I’ve travelled (to france), laughed (due to the new Mock the Week), cried (hayfever) and cringed (france again) my way through what has turned out to be a glorious summer…
but WAIT! THERE’S THREE WHOLE WEEKS LEFT!!!
I don’t understand why with more than a fortnight left, everyone is convinced the summer has come and passed! We are blessed with more time for freedom and friends! We must not waste it.
Inspired by this and other things I’ve noticed, I’ve decided to create a list of rules for the day I become world leader:
1) In conjunction with above, Summer will be finished at the traditional time: the end of summer. NOT the middle.
2) Speedos are hereby banned. When I go to the beach or swimming pool, I don’t want to see bulge.
3) Adverts for match.com are also banned
4) Bruce Springstein is never again to be referred to as “Dad music”.
5) It is illegal to use the Facebook status tool to whine about how you miss your partner soooo much. Get over it.
6) Underwear stalls in markets are no more. They’re creepy and distracting, especially when run by an old man in a loose vest looking dreamily at passers by.
7) Mens Carduigans are gone. They’re for women. Sort yourself out.
8) Tom Hanks is to be referred to as God by all people on earth.
Thats pretty much it, I guess. Ah well…nobody’s perfect.
I guess I’ll return to my lingerie stand now…
Peace.
“2) Speedos are hereby banned. When I go to the beach or swimming pool, I don’t want to see bulge.”
dont look at guys dicks then
You think I’m looking there out of choice? Have you not been to france? Old guys parade around in the least amount of clothing possible. It’s sick. It’s wrong. And you’re inmplying I enjoy that? Despite me wanting this business BANNED? Think before you type.
Sam, you should feel sorry for me.
My dad does it every year when we go on holiday!!
It’s not funny at all! They should defo be banned!!